The Seven Red Roses

The Seven Red Roses, Maiden Place, LOWER FUCKING EARLEY, Reading RG6 3HA.

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Seven Red Roses. Or ‘A Florist’s Dozen’, as it’s known in the trade.

You know when you’re on the train back from Clapham and you’re heading back into Reading? The Tannoy/public address system announces the stops and not far from home you hear it say, ‘This is Earley” and you make that little joke about how ‘that makes a change, a train being early!’ Yeah? No? Alright, fine.

God. You think you’re so much better than us, don’t you?

Anyway. Earley. It’s just a big housing estate, isn’t it? Well, yeah. The third biggest in Europe, apparently. And so The Seven Red Roses is an estate pub. Something you’d imagine we’d be sniffy about. But you don’t know us all that well then, do you? Tch. And after all this time too.

seven-red-roses-earley-5
“Would you like a receipt? Thank you for using this service. Kill them, Lee. Kill them all. Why did you move the family to Earley anyway? Do it, Lee. Kill them. Put them out of your misery.”

Location: Maiden Place is in Earley (Lower Earley, we should point out – thanks to the 65 people who wrote in to tell us…). And (Lower) Earley is in the suburbs of Reading. So we can cover this pub, before any pedants out there point out that this website isn’t called Shit & Not Shit Pubs in (Lower) Earley. Anyway, this boozer is smack bang in the middle of a housing estate.

Now, then. Housing estates are shit. We all know that. And terrible pubs are shit. But even the worst pub on a housing estate can be like a little oasis. So when you factor in relativity like that, it’s kind of impossible to truly judge an estate pub. Because, in their context, they’re all great. Does that makes sense…? Course it bloody does.

You can see from the picture up there that you’re literally four seconds from a cashpoint (albeit a murderous American Psycho-type one), fags and one of Berkshire’s worst rated for hygiene curry houses. Perfect!

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Top bar stance here from the bloke in the shorts.

Drink Selection: Not great, but you get what you expect. Which is ‘pissed’ if you head in for half twelve of a Saturday and leave at about seven like we did. LADSLADSLADS.

Price: Two pints (one Magner’s and one Tribute) came in at less than £7.70. That’s alright, that, isn’t it?

Sports? Aye. Full Sky Sports and BT Sports. Lovely big HD screens dotted around the place too.

seven-red-roses-earley-2
You know those chairs all voted Leave.

Food: They were selling it, but we were booze focused. Burgers looked fine and they sell buckets of chicken wings by the 50. ‘Poultry Genocide’ it’s called and it’s about a tenner. It’s obscene.

Toilets: Fine. Have you ever noticed, though – pubs full of ugly old men never have mirrors? Is that on purpose? Has there been some sort of market research that suggests that seeing themselves as the shambling drunks they are scares or kills old drunk fellas off?

Decor: PWOPA. Look at this fucking carpet…

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When we see pub carpets like this it reminds us why we waste an hour of lives every week writing up these bloody reviews. Look at it. Beautiful, it is.

Chain pub? Yup. Stonegate.

Amount of Men in Their Eighties We Saw Buying Young Attractive Women We Hoped Were Their Granddaughters £65 Bottles of Rose Laurent Perrier Champagne? One.

seven-red-roses-earley-7
Perhaps worth pointing out – this picture wasn’t taken at the 7RR’s.

Beer Garden/Smoking Area: Aye. With terrific views of a giant housing estate.

Events: Monday  Sunday night (despite what their website says) is The 7RR’s £2 a head pub quiz and, as the site says they also put on ‘live music, discos, fund-raisers and games nights.’

seven-red-roses-earley-1
Symmetry. You can really see what the photographer was going for here.

Punterwatch: Geezers, people in for sport… Mostly just people with no other pub to go to. Or anywhere else to go to other than a Sainsbury’s or balti house full of E. Coli.* These people are trapped in the middle of Europe’s third largest housing estate. The poor, poor bastards…

This, as you’ve seen, is a pub like any other. But what sets it apart is that it’s a haven. Transport it to Reading town centre and most townies would probably drop in for the odd snifter and that’d be that. But for the poor sods living their ‘lives’ in Earley, this place really is a lifeline.

God bless The Seven Red Roses.
*Please note: Apparently someone went around the place with a wet cloth and now it’s legally alright. So please stop writing in to tell us. Christ, you Earley types are precious. Sorry, LOWER Earley types.

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20 thoughts on “The Seven Red Roses

  1. Anon December 7, 2016 / 7:47 am

    It’s in Lower Earley, not Earley

    Could this post be any more offensive to those of us who live in Earley. Fair enough on the pub description, but the comments on the poor folk who live in Earley is, quite frankly, out of order.

    Plus there is more to Earley than a “housing estate”. Lower Earley is the main housing estate, whereas Earley itself is a vast place with more to offer than just a housing estate.

    Get your facts right

    Like

    • Shit Things December 7, 2016 / 10:25 am

      Trust us, we could have been A LOT more offensive.

      Like

  2. Charlotte Tilbury December 7, 2016 / 7:59 am

    This is in Lower Earley. It’s very important people know that Earley and Lower Earley are different places. Thank you.

    Like

    • Shit Things December 7, 2016 / 10:24 am

      They’re different in so much as an intestine and a lower intestine are different, sure.

      Like

    • Shit Things December 7, 2016 / 10:24 am

      IT’S THE SAME THING.

      Like

  3. Paul December 7, 2016 / 8:38 am

    Please…..
    Firstly it’s in Lower Earley and NOT Earley which comes under Wokingham council and NOT Reading.
    Yes you’re right it is an estate pub, one that provides a service for its community. Obviously community is a forgein concept for you.
    A local community is a group of interacting people sharing an environment. Unlike some people we actually communicate with our neighbours and not just social media.
    I’m sorry you fail to understand that concept but maybe in ivory tower one day a neighbour may actually care what you say.
    Then you’ll understand what a community is
    The Seven Red Roses is a blessing and YES it is an Oasis in an estate.
    Decent food. An decent drink selection (you may need to actually open your eyes to see that)
    And yes it looks onto a car park and a Sainsbury. Wow guess what. It’s in the heart of a community NOT stuck in. The middle of nowhere where old facts go to die.
    As for the poor hygiene in the restaurant, yes he failed. However he has taken measures and now has 4 stars.
    One last thing, are you really someone who travelled to Earley station and happened upon a pub 2 miles away after passing 3 pubs to get there or are you really a disgruntled former local who knows when they aren’t welcome.
    One thing we really hate is fools.
    Come along to the Roses .
    OH AND THE QUIZ NIGHT IS ON SUNDAYS AND NOT MONDAY as this fool quoted .

    Like

    • Shit Things December 7, 2016 / 10:36 am

      Right.

      a) No one gives a shit what part of the giant housing estate it’s on. Earley… Lower Early… It’s the same thing. The clue’s in the name. It’s a housing estate bolted onto Reading. It’s a suburb of Reading. Council boundaries don’t lineate locations.

      b) We aren’t actually that offensive about the pub which, if you read it calmly, you’d realise. And any digs are clearly jokes. You won’t have read any of the other reviews on this site, but this place actually gets off pretty lightly.

      c) It’s lovely that you’ve got a community there. You have to have one. You don’t have anything else. Maybe you can all get together a burn an effigy of us to ward off evil spirits or something.

      d) We didn’t criticise the food. So bollocks.

      e) You might not have been outside of Earley – sorry, LOWER Earley – but in other pubs? They have far better drinks selections. Again, not that we really had a go at that.

      f) You’ve got a restuarant that shut down for having a ZERO STAR hygiene rating and we pointed it out. Somehow we’re the bad guys here?

      g) I’m someone who when a friend offers to drive me to and from a pub I’ve never been to before and runs a website that reviews pubs, so I go. And then I review it.

      h) The pub’s bloody website says quizzes are on Monday. Did you think we’d stay in the pub for seven days straight to check…?

      But yeah – everyone… Go along to The Roses. It’s not a bad pub.

      Like

      • Paul December 7, 2016 / 1:43 pm

        The restaurant NEVER closed and wasn’t declined a rating
        He was issued with 1 star but upon retesting a few days later was awarded 4.

        Like

  4. Raoul December 7, 2016 / 12:45 pm

    Who the hell drinks Magners?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shit Things December 7, 2016 / 12:51 pm

      I had a hangover.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sharpy December 8, 2016 / 9:34 am

    So… it seems unclear. Is it in Earley or Lower Earley?

    Like

    • Shit Things December 8, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Sod off.

      Like

  6. Dave Gordon December 8, 2016 / 11:27 am

    Good God. When house hunting, I specified ‘anywhere in Reading but please not Earley – or Lower Earley, IT’S THE SAME THING’. I did this because it’s got no basic fun things. I now feel even more validated in this decision reading these comments and knowing it’s populated by defensive pedants. And, by the way, I’m not a snob – I currently live on the Oxford Road. But, whilst there’s plenty of scum round there too, I like it. Why? Because, do you know what happens on the Oxford Road?

    Things.

    Things happen.

    This makes it preferable to Earley.

    PS This review is not harsh. Read the one about The Queens Arms (Central Reading).

    Like

    • Shit Things December 8, 2016 / 3:46 pm

      Love you, Dave.

      Like

    • Berkshire Baggie May 17, 2017 / 5:32 pm

      You find Oxford Rd preferable to live in than Lower Earley? Bizarre

      Like

  7. James December 8, 2016 / 3:42 pm

    I’ve read a few of your reviews and I think there brilliant
    Don’t worry about the snobs that live in early that don’t want to be mentioned in the same sentence as lower early

    Those are the proberly the punters from the George that are happy to spend £4:10 on a pint and sit there discussing boundrys all night and bin collection routes and how they could run this country better

    Anyway your doing a great job and it’s funny as fuck

    Like

    • Shit Things December 8, 2016 / 3:45 pm

      Ta. You’re very kind/easily pleased.

      Like

  8. Anon December 27, 2016 / 12:55 pm

    Lived in earley 40 + years have drank in the 7rr for over 20 years it’s a good pub to have a laugh thought your review was really funny and pretty spot on and you didn’t slag it off.
    PS I live in earley not lower earley sod that 😀 (joke Paul joke )

    Like

    • Shit Things December 28, 2016 / 12:25 pm

      Cheers.

      Like

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